Log in

No account? Create an account
Aeterna Rasa [entries|friends|calendar]
Aeterna Rasa

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

What is going on? [04 Jul 2003|02:43am]

[ mood | aggravated ]

It seems so normal.

Day to day, we walk along, going about our lives.

I do homework.

Joan Buffy shuts herself up in her room. Sometimes, Randy or Alex tries to talk to her. Or I try.

She doesn't listen.

Or respond.

What is so awful? Why is she leaving me out of this?

And where are our parents?


post comment

[28 Jun 2003|12:38pm]

I woke up this morning and there was a small black and white cat curled up on the bed beside me. At first I was startled and jumped, or more like stumbled, out of bed because I wasn't expecting to wake up and see a pair of beady eyes and whiskers staring back at me. It was a good thing that Willow was already up or I probably would have given her a heart attack. The cat seemed calm enough though. She jumped down off the bed and immediately started rubbing up against my leg purring.

So I guessed this was our elusive kitty cat, I mean, I think that would be a reasonable assumption. I picked her up to see if she had a name tag or something but she didn't so I really had no idea what to call her besides "Kitty". And I guess that will have to be her name at least until she tells us otherwise and I don't really know how she would do that.

But then again maybe she can since the day seemed to only get stranger. I had another scare later that afternoon. I was sitting in lit class bored with the lecture as the professor droned on and on and I was playing with my pencil instead of taking notes. I put my pencil down and closed my eyes and in my head I started thinking in nonsense for no reason whatsoever and I daydreamed about Willow and I holding hands. It didn't seem to make any sense but it seemed very familiar. I opened my eyes and looked down at my pencil and it was hovering just a little above my notebook.

I panicked, of course, and it fell to the ground by my feet. Did I do that? I thought that maybe I was dreaming or something but the professor still stood at the front of the class and everything looked the same so I pinched myself just to make sure. I wasn't dreaming and I didn't know what to think. Was it magic? And if so, how did I do that without one of those spell books like in Rupert and Anya's shop?

The professor excused the class and I packed my books up and headed back to the house. Should I tell someone? Or maybe they'd think I had something to do with our amnesia.

Maybe I should just pretend that nothing happened.
post comment

Business [20 Jun 2003|02:28pm]

[ mood | pensive ]

Randy's feet won honorable mention at the art show, and like the proud parent I am, I purchased the painting to hang on our living room wall. We've finally got the real estate situation worked out- a nice, three bedroom, two bath, two story colonial with a garage and fireplace that's close to the Magic Box so that we have easy access to work. We should be closing the deal on the house and beginning the move this week. Anya negotiated the purchase price with a vehement passion (and occasional threats of pox or pestilence, oddly enough)- that's my girl!

Once we've settled into the house, we can worry about setting a date for our nuptials, and discussing what kind of affair we'd like to have. Fortunately, we don't know all that many people, so it won't be anything too extravagant. That reminds me.. something very odd. We do seem to have regular customers at the Magic Box- there's records of purchases and special orders that indicate repeat business. Yet, when we see these people again- they don't appear to recognize us.

Perhaps we had very poor customer service before... or it may be part of the whole amnesia itself.

Either way, it's very disturbing.

post comment

Living the happy life [20 Jun 2003|01:41pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

Life has been good- I've been hanging out with Alex and his friends a lot, and introducing them to my friends... all one of them that comes in the form of Spade. Yeah, I probably needed to socialize more, but sometimes I feel like I've got very little in common with the people around me. Spade's my best bud- he understands me. Even though his art is musical and mine is visual- we've got that common bond. A lot of people at college are just concerned about their grades, or alternately, about partying. I'm really glad that I've met such nice people- Alex's friends are all cool--- if a bit odd, in some cases.

So, what else am I up to? Well, I'm still hanging out with Randy and drawing his various body parts form my figure drawing class. He's a good model, he stays still and doesn't fidget, and has entertaining things to say while I'm drawing him. He talks about Joan a lot- I think he likes her. But I'm not sure if she likes him back. When I met her, she seemed kind of down, so it was hard to tell. She's got a cute little sister though- Dawn. She's like the kid sister I'd want to have if I wasn't an only child. Oh, and Joan has the worse nickname ever...'Buffy'. My mom's best friend had a dog named Buffy. I wouldn't want that as my nickname. Bad enough sometimes people call me "Tammy". Alex calls me Tam, though... and I really think that's the sweetest thing.

And of course, I've been spending lots of time with Alex. He's just so amazing! I love his sense of humor, and the way he smiles. We can do anything together- just walk through the par holding hands, or just watch old movies on TV- but it always feels like the most special thing in the world because we're doing it together. Geeze, I sound so sappy! But it's true. And then when he kisses me... sigh. It's like a little slice of heaven. I've been sketching Alex alot- because he's always on my mind. I wonder if he's getting tired of all the little drawings I surprise him with?

post comment

Do you want fries with that? [20 Jun 2003|10:51am]

[ mood | depressed ]

I hate, hate, hate my job.

This week alone, I've burned my hand on the fry basket, had a big guy threaten to kick my ass because I spilled shake on him, and I've come up short on the register six times - by less than a dollar each time! What, is someone just reaching in and stealing a penny or two just to mess with me? Or maybe there's drawer gnomes that sneak in on my lunch break...

Worse, I smell like Double Meat. Everywhere I go, people are sniffing and going "What's that smell?" and I pretty much have to answer 'Me", because if not, they keep sniffing anyhow, and they find out eventually and they're all like "Eww, Andrew, don't you bathe?" and I'm like "I have. About four times today."

The stench of minimum wage fast food service never goes away.

It never goes away.

Spade's been really great, though.. he fussed over my hand, and doesn't mind that I smell all that much. I think he might be getting kind of used to the smell of Double Meat. Which is kind of cool, you know. Not the smell, but to have a boyfriend who doesn't think that you're scummy because you stink. We haven't.. you know... done that yet, but I'm kind of nervous to make the first move, especially since I think if we get all close and sweaty, we're both going to wind up smelling like Double Meat, and I'm sure Spade kind of wants to avoid that.

And I keep having these dreams where I have to say "Do you want fries with your Double Meat?" over and over again! Or there's this one where the patties are coming to life and trying to eat me.

Oh, and Randy and Alex are teasing me, like, all the time. I know, they're my best friends, it's what they do... but I'm seriously getting tired of being called "Burger boy" and "Meat flipper" and "Grease jockey" and "Fryguy" and "Secret sauce sprayer" and "Doublemeat, halfpay" and "Patty", and AGHHHHH! Where will the madness end? I'm really, seriously going to kick their asses the next time they come up with a nickname for me! I will! I'll just... uh... and... yeah. Okay, so maybe I won't, because Randy's all super powered and could kick my ass, and Alex is bigger than me so he could too. But... I'll cry. And it won't be pretty!

Sigh... work starts in half an hour. Time to put on my uniform.

post comment

[17 Jun 2003|08:23pm]

Finally enrolled in college. It was easier than I thought.

Kind of odd.

Signed up for my classes. Mostly easy ones I'd get an A on. And the required courses, but that's obvious.

Met a girl in my painting class. We made pictures of oranges.

She was very . . . interesting.

Felt this sort of odd pull to her. Not sure what it was. Can't quite place my finger on it.

But it's . . . important.

And she was very cute. In a personality way. That's the kind of cute that matters.

It's made me look foward to art class.

A lot.
post comment

[17 Jun 2003|08:50am]

The other day I was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets and found some cans of cat food. We have a cat??? And this was rather upseting because I hadn't seen one and to think of how many days we had been gone, the poor baby must be starving! So I preceeded to comb the house with a can of food calling out, "Kitty, miss kitty?" But I didn't find her so I decided to leave the can out. I'm hoping that maybe she, or I guess it could be a he, ran off in search of food and that she's okay and will come home. I really don't like not knowing.

Every day is like a new adventure now that we found out where we live. I've gone through so many shoe boxes of pictures and folders of papers in the past few days. But it's still weird, you know, like I'm invading into someone else's life. But it's my life and that seems to only add to the strangeness.

I have to say that it's very communal of us being four girls living together. I mean, it makes sense for Jo-, umm, Buffy and Dawn to be since they're sisters and all. But I guess we all must be close, really close...like sleeping in the same bed even. I know they're all thinking the same thing I am and I think I am more relieved if anything when we found that out because it makes all the little feelings make sense. But it's still awkward. Like now I'm even more unsure of how to act with Willow because I don't want to force anything just because all the signs seem to imply that we...

It's weird but at the same time it's almost wonderfully romantic because it's like I get to fall in love all over again. If that's what we had. And if that's what she wants.

We really need to talk.
post comment

Drat [16 Jun 2003|02:20am]

[ mood | worried ]

Joa . . . er, Buffy has gotten really down since we found the house.

I guess I would be if I found out my first name was "Buffy." What were our parents thinking?

I guess its better than "Butt," though.

Anyway - yeah - Buffy has been in her room a lot. She puts on a good act about how things are "all right," but she won't tell me what's wrong. And I'm her sister - so I know better.

Still no sign of our parents. Buffy gets all quiet when I ask about them. But there's no sign of the - well, there are some pictures of us with this woman who I think is Mom.

But no sign of Mom.

That sucks.

Well, I shouldn't be up. I have school tomorrow.

I hate school.


post comment

[13 Jun 2003|08:59pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

So Willow and Tara found out where we live. Uh. Yay?

And Alex and Willow broke up, Alex and Tamara who I haven't met, are together. I'm pretty sure Willow and Tara are sleeping in the same bed, so It's not like we all don't know what that means.

Randy's feet won honorable mention.

Rupert and Anya have access to their finances.

Dawn is going back to school. And me?

My name is Joan. -sighs as tears whell up in her eyes- But it's not. It's Buffy, Buffy Summers. Who in the hell names their child Buffy? I liked Joan better.

I'm not enrolled in school and I feel so empty inside. Randy and I fight evil, there is that Right? That makes me somebody, I'm a superhero so I have to have some purpose right? Then why do I feel so ... Empty?

I'm not enrolled in school. I can't find pay stubs or anything so I don't think I have a Job. But I was searching through the house while everyone else was out.

And I found ...

a Death Certificate ... with my name on it, dated last year. Then, I found another, Joyce Summers. And then there was Dawn and my Birth Certificates. Joyce and Hank Summers are our parents.

I didn't really know what all of this meant, So I put everything back and went to Restfield cemetery. I found my grave, I have a grave. "She saved the world a lot"

I don't understand. Who am I really? I think I liked being Joan better.

post comment

[12 Jun 2003|11:40am]

So, Willow and I finally broke up.

It went pretty well, actually. I mean, we both liked other people, so staying together didn't make much sense. She saw how into Tamara I was, and the entire world can see how into Tara she is. Now we can both be with the people we really want.

I've actually been hanging out with Willow a lot more lately than before we broke up. We don't have reason to be all awkward around each other now, so we can just be ourselves. And ourselves turn out to have really good friend-chemistry. She even offered to teach me some stuff from her classes, so I can be all Smart Guy despite not attending college. It's weird, though, she said nobody in her classes seems to recognize her or Tara. You'd think they'd have school friends, right? *shrugs* Maybe they keep a low profile on campus because of the Joan-and-Randy-are-superheroes thing.

As for Tamara, she's just amazing. I can't believe she's actually my girlfriend! She painted a picture of me for that art show, and it was beautiful. I'm not exactly Self Confidence Guy, but the way she painted me? Hell, I'd date me if I thought I looked like that. If that's how she sees me... I'm one lucky guy.
post comment

Home, Sweet Home [12 Jun 2003|01:04am]

[ mood | giddy ]


Willow and Tara found out where we live.

1630 Revello Drive.

And inside, there was a room that I knew was mine. And it had like, clothes and everything.

So we're not poor and homeless!

I am in such a good mood now.

There, we found my school ID. And discovered I was at the wrong middle school last time.

Man, have I missed a lot of classes.

That made me realize that I could find out more about us. I asked to see my records. And under guardians name, I saw the letters "JO" very clearly, and the rest kind of smudged by the copier. And then I saw a name that looked like it said "Butt."

I hope the Jo is for "Joan." Because I'd hate to be the one who had to tell Joan her name was actually Butt.


Schools really have bad equipment, don't they?

So now I'm back in school.

Seriously, I liked studying with Rupert better.

But I have a home.

::happy dance::

post comment

My feet [08 Jun 2003|08:09pm]

My feet are worthy of honorable mention, and get other people lovin'.

Maybe I should patrol barefoot.
post comment

Great news! [08 Jun 2003|11:44am]

[ mood | cheerful ]

I feel like I'm dancing on air...

First, Randy's Feet won Honorable Mention in the art show! The prize was only a blue ribbon and a ten dollar gift certificate to Art World, but hey, I was happy! Then, I saw Alex. He'd come to the show with Willow...and it was obvious they hadn't had The Talk yet.

But they had that talk, while at the show... and broke up as friends.

Then the most wonderful thing happened. Alex... he told me there was this girl he'd had his eye on. I was starting to get disappointed, when he said that she was a great artist, and gave wonderful hugs, and had big brown eyes... and that sounded a lot like me! And yes, he was talking about me, and yes, we're going to be going out now. And... we kissed. Right in front of the paintings.

I invited everyone back to my place for a party afterwards. Alex and I made the announcement that we were going out, and Andrew started clapping like crazy. Apparently, he's happy for us. Randy seemed amused, and gave a little "My feet brought you together" speech.

So...I'm very happy!

I wrote a letter home to my parents to tell them all about it. We call each other on the phone every now and then, but it's cheaper (and more fun, for me) to write letters. I always draw in the margins of the paper- and this letter had lots of drawings of hearts and happy faces. I'd already told them about Alex the last time they called, and how cute I thought he was, so it was a rather short letter...

Dear Mom and Dad,

Alex Harris is my boyfriend, and I'm the luckiest girl in Sunnydale!

Love, Tamara

post comment

[04 Jun 2003|08:30pm]

I woke up this morning, and couldn't remember why I dropped out of college.

So I enrolled again.

post comment

[04 Jun 2003|01:56pm]

Things are finally starting to make sense! Well, for everyone else. Still not much sense in the mix for me. In fact, the more I know, the more confusing things become from my perspective.

Tara and I got our records from the school. It's so nice to know what grade I'm in, what my GPA is, what classes I'm taking... I even have a term paper due in a week! Very exciting.

There was no Alexander Harris on file, though. Alex seemed pretty disappointed when we told him, despite putting on a smile and cracking some jokes about how maybe he's a successful young dot-com entrepreneur. I think he really wanted to be a college student like the rest of us. Well, "the rest of us" being Tara and me.

Anyway, we found a Sunnydale city map and managed to track down the address on Tara's and my school records. 1630 Revello Drive. We live(d) in a house together. The kind of place a family would live in. But we're not a family, we're just... friends. Right?

We unlocked the door with one of the keys on Tara's keychain, knocking first in case we had any other housemates that might be around. But the house was empty. It certainly looked like a place that'd hold more than just two girls, but there were no signs of anyone being around recently. Strange.

We went through the living room and the kitchen. It felt so surreal, to be taking a tour of our own home. I found an answering machine by the phone and played the message on it. "Hey, Willow, it's Toby from astrophysics, I was just calling to see if you're going to the review on--" His voice stopped abruptly. I furrowed my brow and waited for him to start talking again. "Uh... I... I think I've got the wrong number...I'm sorry..." He paused for another second or two before the message finally ended.

Well, that was weird. Why would he, halfway through the message, think he'd called the wrong place? And more importantly, did this "review" he mentioned mean that I'd missed an exam?

At that point we went upstairs to see where our rooms were. We went in the largest bedroom first. The moment we stepped inside it, Tara said, "This is my room. I just know it." She just... sensed it or something. Pretty impressive.

The room had pictures of us both in it. And it certainly seemed to belong to two people -- though there was only one bed. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think of that. I've been trying to deny my attraction to Tara, I really have, but then we find stuff like this and I don't know how I can reconcile it all. It's certainly not helping to suppress my growing crush on her.

There are two other bedrooms, which I really think might be Joan's and Dawn's. I mean, they've got pictures of them in there, so either it's their rooms or the rooms of some people who really like them. So Tara and I are gonna go find Joan and Dawn and tell them to come check it out. It'll be such a relief if this is their home, too. One more piece in the puzzle.
post comment

Spade and Andrew 4-Evah!!! [04 Jun 2003|03:05pm]

[ mood | excited ]

Andrew and Spade!

That's right! He kissed me. Like, kiss kissed, with the whole mmmmm kind of thing, and yeah...

We're like.. an item now. I think... at least, that's what it means when someone kisses you, right?

'Cause we've been way about the kissing, and that's like.. . wow.

Oh, we've been doing other things too, before you think I'm becoming all male-slut or something.... like.. uh... playing video games! Dude! Spade is so good at games. He kicks my ass sometimes. It's really wild. And I've been watching him play guitar a lot, cause it's so cool. Maybe someday he'll write a song about me! It could be called "Andrew Rocks the World" or "Andrew, King of Cool" or "Andrew Owns".


Oh, and Randy's feet are going to be totally famous 'cause Tamara painted them and they're going to be in a show, and I so think that she likes Alex, because she was all about asking us if he was going to go to the show. I wonder if Willow will go with him, then it'll be like Chick-who-likes-Alex meets Chick-who-Might-Like-Alex-or-other-Chicks. That'd be something they could charge you for on pay per view! Hm...

Oh... and I start work at Doublemeat Palace tomorrow.Yeah, I've faced the inevitable and got my job there... it comes with a uniform and all the double-meat I can eat in addition to a minimum-wage salary. Uh... yay?

post comment

Considering the Future [04 Jun 2003|02:42pm]

[ mood | pensive ]

Randy is all excited about the fact that one of the pictures he modeled for is going to be in an art show. I was a bit concerned about the degree of exposure, but he assured me that the picture only involves his feet. So, being the good parental figures that we are, Anya and I are going to this art show to view my son's feet in artistic form.

Considering how often I see those feet all over my furniture, I'm glad to see they're getting put to a better use. Now, if I could just teach him to take out the garbage and clean the living room... ah, wishful thinking. Anyhow, considering that we have a steady supply of income from the Magic Box (and we've found the banking records for the business, and can now access our business account)- I've been discussing the possibility of moving out of the flat, and into a house.

After all, with Anya, myself, Randy and which ever of his friends are staying over from moment to moment (Andrew, especially, seems to drift in and out) - we do need more space than this one bedroom flat can accommodate. Once we get settled into a house, our lives may drift back into some semblance of normality... and maybe then, we can begin to play (or re-plan, as the case may be) our wedding.

Sometimes, when I watch Anya, I can hardly believe my good fortune at being engaged to such a lovely woman. Then she opens her mouth, and says some randomly blunt phrasing, and I get a hint of why we had problems to begin with. Our natures seem to be rather different in some ways- however, opposites do attract. And...we haven't been having problems in the attraction department, much to Randy's near-constant complaint. I think he's bitter about the age difference- after all, Anya is probably young enough to be his peer. Perhaps one of the young ladies of his acquaintance will accompany him to the art show. I've been trying to encourage him to ask one for a date- doing the whole father-and-son talk experience... but I'm not sure I'm getting through to him.

post comment

On My Mind [04 Jun 2003|02:27pm]

[ mood | hopeful ]

You know... I keep thinking about that Alex guy. I don't know why. There's just something about him.

When he was all drunk and vulnerable at the Bronze, I just wanted to hug him and take him home and tuck him into bed and tell him everything would be alright. Yeah, I'm all protective over this guy I barely know... that's weird, isn't it? But still, I think about my parents- and how they had that whole love at first sight groove going on.

Maybe there's such a thing as instant attraction. Anyhow, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it, because he does have a girlfriend, even if she might be bisexual or gay or something. Randy's been filling me in when he comes over to model. What a body he's got on him! It's a shame that I can't stop thinking about his best friend, really- because if not, I'm sure I could just ask Randy out and there we go.

Maybe I should, considering Alex is unavailable. But what if he suddenly becomes available, and I'm all going out with Randy. Man, I'd feel like that girl in highschool who's got interchangeable boyfriends and all.. and I wouldn’t' want to do that to either of them. So I'm just going to stay away from the whole dating thing. I mean, nothing wrong with being single- it's done me good so far.

But let me tell you- if I have to hear how cute Andrew is one more time, I'm going to strangle Spade! He just goes on and on about all the cuteness, and when they're together they're all cute and cuddling, and.. ugh. It's not that I'm not happy for them, really... but it makes me want to be all cute and cuddly with Alex someone too.

Anyhow, there's going to be a student art show at the college and some of my works are featured. It's at night, so I invited Randy (especially since one of the pieces he modeled for is going to be displayed), and Spade and Andrew. I dropped (hopefully casual ) hints that they could invite anyone else they wanted to, like, oh, say... maybe that nice Joan girl that Randy works with, and her sister, and... hey, how about Alex?

I'm going to throw a little party after back at my dorm for whoever comes- and who knows, if I win one of the prizes at the show, there may even be reason to celebrate! I wonder what I should wear? Just in case Alex comes Because I should look good for the show.

post comment

Hunting Season [03 Jun 2003|02:44pm]

[ mood | distressed ]

Heh... I've really gotten to like this whole 'loot, pillage, and dust' thing. Joan isn't very big on it, but as I pointed out, sooner or later, these places people live in will recieve bills. That, or someone'll show up to evict the sudden squatters.

Doesn't bother me, though. I've got enough money that I get by just fine -- between my modeling (yeah, it's not a job, but it's funny as hell to see Pops get twitchy and British about it) and my pawning and looting, I think I'll be fine...

Okay, that last part was a bit of a lie.

See, it all started when I got into an argument with this fellow outside the pawn shop. See, he was one of those little street thugs, and he wanted some of my pocket money, and I wasn't having that. You don't hear about Superman being carjacked, after all, just because he's above beating up normal people. So I grab him, and slug him -- and then there's this agonizing pain in my head, like my brains are exploding, and I let out a screech. The fellow must've thought I'd gone bonkers, as he staggered up and started running off all fearful-like... for a second, the vamp face look came out, so maybe that was it, too. The pain stuck in my head for a while, though... What the hell is going on?

Well, maybe it's just some sort of thing from the memory loss...

post comment

[02 Jun 2003|12:53pm]

I have a name and a place to live and a class schedule and...a term paper due in a week?!? Hmm, maybe I was better off when I didn't know this. So Willow and I checked our records and found out that we're both living in the same house. 1630 Revello Drive. So I guess maybe we were roommates and we decided to rent a house together rather than live on campus? And then Willow met Alex and moved out and hadn't gotten around to changing her records? I guess that makes sense. We'll probably figure out the details later. But I am finally getting to go home! And then when I'm back around all my stuff then maybe it'll help me remember or at least sort some things out. *smiles*

Since we were at UC Sunnydale, Willow decided that maybe we should go to the school library and do some research to try and figure out what was wrong with us. So I looked up amnesia in Stedman's Medical Dictionary and found a bunch of types. But given that I don't think any of us are diseased, have had severe head trauma, or are chronic alcoholics (at least I hope not) none of the specifics seemed to fit. But I do think we definately have some form of retrograde amnesia. But why, we still don't know. And it wasn't very helpful when these books just cite an "incidence of trauma" or disease onset for being the cause. I don't think we'll find anything about magic-induced amnesia in a college library, if that's what really happened. We probably should go back to Rupert and Anya's magic shop and look through books. The funny thing about amnesia is they say that while you may forget facts like names and places that you can still remember how to do things which is why we all can still talk and stuff. It almost makes you want to go and sit down in front of a piano and see if you can play or something. I wonder if there's anything special I know how to do.
post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]